1 Year ago today. 1 year ago today things changed the minute I walked through the door to get the results of what I thought was just a routine follow up. I was just going to get the results of the biopsy of the lump on my knee. It’s just a cyst, a lump, nothing to worry about. It will be a pain to have surgery to get it removed but can handle that. I had just had surgery on my foot and nose the prior 2 months, this will be no big deal. I’ll never forget that feeling of knowing something was wrong the second I gave that receptionist my name. She immediately said Oh, Dr. Khan wants you to get a CAT Scan of your chest. They rushed me to get a scan of my chest and stomach. All I kept thinking was “why the heck do they need to see my chest?” the lump is on my knee?! The hour or so I sat in that exam room by myself felt like days…what in the world could this be?
Fast forward a year later and I get some different news. Just before Christmas I went for CAT scans of the chest, stomach and pelvis again. This time I get a new name: NED – No Evidence of Disease….. Hooray! Strange thing though. I don’t have that feeling of a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. Of course I am happy everything is clear on the scans but there will always be that feeling of what if it comes back or spreads somewhere else? Like the day Dr. Healey looked me in the eyes and said “you’re going to die from this” and just a few days ago when Dr. Gounder answered my question of what state I am considered now with “Cured”, it’s hard to believe either one for some reason. From what other people have said that have gone through a similar thing, this is normal. I dont know if it will ever go away. This is my new normal. It’s a viscous circle of thought at times. Every little ache and pain I feel starts the wheels turning in my head…not a day goes by that I dont feel around on the spot where the surgery was done to feel for lumps. If this is my new normal I could be in trouble! 😉
All I can say is, lets all hope the worst is over with. I feel like I have been through hell and back, that is for sure! The pain is still always there in the knee. I keep telling myself if this is the worst thing I have to deal with now I will be happy! It hurts all the time but I can still get outside and play soccer and basketball and run around with Julia. It wont be long now before she can beat me at everything because my knee sure doesnt work like it used to! I’m so thankful just to be able to get out there and run around with her. This song tells the story of how I feel:
I know its been a while since the last update and this one isn’t quite up to par with the others but I wanted to get an update done to let everyone know the good news. Thanks to everybody for reading the site updates and responding each time I write. I really enjoy all your comments. Let’s make 2013 a great year! The next posts can be about all the great times we plan on having on camping trips and fun at the beach this summer.. Now if someone could do something about this darn cold weather!